He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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