You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
