who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
