i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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