Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
