You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
