Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had sex on a roof
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
