dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
