1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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