"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
