dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
