I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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