I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
