He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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