she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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