Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
