Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
