He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
