Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
