sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
