I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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