Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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