you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
