He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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