Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
