I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
