U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
