Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
