I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
