not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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