Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
soo... how was my night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
