How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize