I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
