I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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