It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
