Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
