So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
