C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
