Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
