i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
