We're like a lot better than the average bears
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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