I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
