my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
