I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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