Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
