Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
