Can Purell be used as lube?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
