next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
