Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
