New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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