Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
