is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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