I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
