the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm getting married
To pizza
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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