I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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